


Spoken

by walkingivy



Series: Unspoken [2]
Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Dark, Disturbing Themes, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24050665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkingivy/pseuds/walkingivy
Summary: Colin learns about Ryan’s unresolved trauma first-hand when his past comes back to haunt him.
Relationships: Colin Mochrie/Ryan Stiles, Ryan Stiles/Other
Series: Unspoken [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734811
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Spoken

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I’m ruining a perfectly good standalone with this shitty sequel, except that I’ve already written it, so I might as well post. It’s unrealistic, disturbing and poorly written. The timeline doesn’t actually make sense and no one lives or works where they’re supposed to. You’ve been warned. 
> 
> Law and Order: SVU characters taken just to give the detectives names. I didn’t tag SVU because the story isn’t about them and can be read without knowing who any of the police officers are. 
> 
> This can be read without reading the prequel.

=====.o0o.=====

“All right,” Dan interrupted halfway through a verse. “Let’s do another run-through of that game, but this time, let’s practice with words that could actually make it on air. Brad.”

Colin yawned into his hand while Ryan made obscene gestures behind Dan’s back and Brad worked on his impression of a kicked puppy. If this rehearsal was anything to go by, tonight’s taping would drag on forever. 

Rehearsal was nearing its conclusion when Jeff joined their small audience. It wasn’t uncommon for performers for upcoming shows to sit in and act as the audience when their schedules permitted. Chip, who would be filming the next day, was sitting in the front row with Greg, who was there more for heckling purposes than any real observation. 

Jeff wasn’t scheduled to tape with them for another month, so Colin found it peculiar to see him slipping into an empty chair but gave him a polite smile regardless. It was returned in full force, and Colin began to wonder if something wasn’t bothering the young man. He spared a glance sideways to Ryan, whose expression looked purposefully blank. Odd. Drew was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Brad and Wayne were goofing around through a routine and didn’t seem to have acknowledged Jeff’s appearance.

Dan, on the other hand, seemed hyper aware of Jeff’s presence, but was avoiding looking at him even though he wasn’t doing much to direct the action on stage either. 

“Dan…” Jeff started in a whisper, but the other man cut him off. 

“Look, I already told you, it’s out of my hands.”

Any pretense of going on with the rehearsal ceased immediately and everyone was listening in on the conversation. “Surely you have some say. I’d really like to continue with  _ Whose Line _ .”

“ABC is a family station. The executives don’t feel that you would be a good choice as a performer given your… lifestyle choices.”

“What’s going on?” Wayne asked bluntly.

“They’re axing me because I’m gay,” answered Jeff promptly.

“What?!” Chip shouted, standing at the same time as Colin and Greg. 

“Not cool, man.” Wayne declared, shaking his head. “What does his personal life have to do with it anyway?”

“Besides, you’d think that would increase viewership and expand our fan-base. Colin and Ryan could stop pretending to be gay.” Brad listed off. 

Colin ignored the awkwardness that arose with the comment. He was finding it very hard to think coherently. He was furious at the turn of events but also feeling personally attacked on some level. It never really came up because he was married, but he’d always considered himself bisexual. What right did they have to take away someone’s dreams and livelihood based on something they couldn’t control?

“Brad has a point,” Greg butted in. “We’ve had gay kisses on the show plenty of times. So the message we’re sending is that homosexual behavior is acceptable only in jest?” 

“That’s got to be a contract violation or something,” Chip threw in.

“’Fraid not. Discrimination against someone based on their sexual orientation is still fucking legal in this state,” Greg declared.

Dan looked about ready to rip out his hair. “This isn’t my decision. The orders are coming from above. I’ve already personally made recommendations that he not be pulled. You’ll have to write in your complaints to the execs. Now, can we please finish the rehearsal?” Slowly, everyone took their seats. Even Wayne and Brad went back to restart the scene. 

Everyone, that is, except Colin. Colin remained standing in front of his chair, drawing everyone’s attention to him. He realized he hadn’t said anything during the debate and they probably weren’t even clear on his feelings on the matter. “I won’t do it,” he said, quietly at first and then gaining strength. Jeff looked hopefully up at him. “If Jeff can’t be a part of  _ Whose Line _ for no other reason than something he can’t control, then you’ll have to find someone to replace me as well. And you can tell  _ that _ to the executives.”

Greg nodded and stood back up. “And me.”

“And me.” Brad echoed. 

“Me, too.” Chip stated.

Wayne was next, and though there was definitely some reluctance on his part at the thought of giving up a full time spot on  _ Whose Line _ , he did stand with them. 

Colin glanced down at Ryan, who he knew always tried to stick up for the little guy and never could resist taunting Dan besides, and found him staring at the ground with clearly no intentions of helping. Colin set his jaw and looked instead at Drew. Drew was still their biggest name on the show. Losing everyone else would cripple the show, but losing Drew as well would be the nail in the coffin. Of course, he’d have to give up his exorbitant salary.

“You’ll need a new host as well.”

Dan threw up his hands. “All right. I’ll explain the situation clearly to them. But it may take a couple days to get the word back, and we can’t hold off on recording. So be ready to go in three hours.”

Everyone was looking to Colin again and it wasn’t the kind of leadership role he was used to or enjoyed. Still, Colin saw it as a victory. A strike from all the key players. Except Ryan. He stole one more glance at Ryan’s slumped form and tried to keep the hurt off his face. “Agreed.”

Dan scurried out of the room, and that was the end of rehearsal. 

Jeff bounded up the stage and went straight for Colin, yanking him into a fierce hug, then drew back to look at everyone. “I can’t believe you guys would do that for me. I thought my whole career was over.”

At some point during the hug, Ryan managed to stand and leave silently, and Colin frowned at his empty chair before giving Jeff another smile. Somehow, he felt like he needed to compensate for Ryan’s lack of effort and clapped Jeff on the shoulder. “It was the right thing to do.”

“Yeah, but what the fuck’s up with Ryan?” Greg asked, completely ignoring Colin’s silent demands for the situation to be kept off the radar.

“He was like that in the meeting when they told us they were dropping Jeff.” Drew added, “you’d think he’d never met a gay guy before.”

Colin wanted to tell them both to shut up. He felt embarrassed for Ryan and his poor behavior. But Drew raised a good question. Was this the first time Ryan knew someone who turned out to be gay? If he already knew they were gay, Ryan would awkwardly endure and then escape as quickly as possible. So, it wasn’t like Ryan really had any gay friends. Could it just be as simple as being scared of the unknown? It didn’t fit Ryan’s character, yet it was the only thing that came to mind with the given evidence. Everyone seemed to expect him to have the answer, but he didn’t have one. “I’ll go talk to him,” he volunteered instead. 

As he left the stage and made his way to Ryan’s dressing room, Colin found himself becoming more and more annoyed. He’d accepted long ago that Ryan was straight and that he had some homophobic tendencies. He’d accepted that any kiss he ever got from Ryan was going to be for the sake of some act or joke from a man who truly believed in doing anything for a laugh. He’d accepted that Ryan would never and could never return his feelings and kept them buried for the sake of their relationship. What he’d never accepted was that Ryan might spurn someone solely based on their orientation. It just  _ wasn’t Ryan _ . 

So, by the time Colin arrived at Ryan’s door, he’d managed to work himself into quite the rage. Colin himself felt rejected by Ryan’s refusal to help Jeff. He felt furious that the man he’d known for over twenty years, the man he’d loved for over twenty years, would so callously abandon a friend. “What the hell was that?” He growled as he burst in uninvited. 

Ryan’s whole body was tense, but his tone was easy. “What was what?” 

Colin felt the betrayal stinging at him, and stalked up to the taller man, cornering him against the wall. Ryan looked guilty, and Colin relished the sight. 

“Jeff.” Colin stated, knowing that it wasn’t half the story. “He came to us needing our support. And you!” Colin huffed, unable to force the words out. He wanted Ryan to hurt, wanted him to feel the pain Colin felt trying to overwhelm him. The pain that came with the idea of their friendship being tossed aside as easily as Ryan had thrown away Jeff’s. He grabbed tightly ahold of Ryan’s shoulders and quickly released before he could try to shake the crazy out of him. 

He turned away to calm down, stomping back on those feelings and blatantly told his friend how disappointed he was by his reaction to the situation with Jeff. He’d had two opportunities to do the right thing, in the producer meeting and up on the stage a few minutes ago. He’d had two opportunities, and Ryan had done nothing at all. 

“Are you going to behave like that every time Jeff’s around now?” 

Ryan didn’t respond, barely acknowledged his presence, and it just made Colin angry all over again. He loved Deb, for sure, but from time to time, he found himself imagining a life with Ryan instead. He’d been so close to telling Ryan how he felt when he introduced him to Deb and had only decided against it because of Ryan’s uncomfortable attitude. If he had, well, that would have been the end between them, wouldn’t it? Colin didn’t want to believe that. His heart pounded in his chest as he decided to throw everything out there in an act of desperation and some lingering hope that chased around his head. 

“What if it hadn’t been Jeff?” Ryan was finally looking at him, doing a fine impression of all his ‘little lost boy’ sketches, and Colin desperately wanted to believe that his next act would open his eyes and not cost him his best friend. “What if I had come out of the closet instead? What would you do then?” 

Ryan made some protest, but Colin had already made up his mind and was kissing him for all his was worth, trying to convey all the emotions he’d bottled up over the last two decades. Ryan didn’t respond, which came as no surprise, but what he did do shocked Colin to the core. 

Ryan hit him. A bold, fisted punch to the jaw that bared zero resemblance to the play fighting they’d do both off stage and on. Colin was unsteady and fell to the ground, but Ryan followed him down, heaving punch after punch. It took a moment for Colin to register that he’d have to physically stop Ryan from hurting him. They didn’t generally acknowledge it, but Colin was stronger and in better shape than Ryan, even without the advantage of Ryan’s bad back, and once he’d captured his arms and pinned him to the floor, there was little Ryan could do. Colin tried a couple times to get his attention, but it was difficult to maintain control with Ryan bucking and flailing. 

“Please, don’t!” Ryan exclaimed.

It was at that moment that everything clicked for Colin. Ryan’s desperation to get away, his uncharacteristic aversion to homosexuals, his fear…. Colin’s stomach sank, and he felt ill. It made sense, but it wasn’t something he’d ever contemplated before. All the signs pointed to being traumatized by some sort of gay encounter, which led Colin’s mind down a very disturbing road. Colin wanted to pull away, but Ryan still seemed intent on protecting himself from some unseen foe. 

“Ryan!” He called instead. 

Ryan’s eyes slowly came into focus as he stopped wriggling beneath Colin. Colin tentatively let go of his wrists and backed off. Ryan tucked himself into a ball of misery, pressing his head into his knees and sobbed. 

After the shock abated some, Colin cautiously rested a hand on Ryan’s back, surprised to find the other man lean into him. Taking it as an invitation, Colin took him into his arms and rubbed soft circles on his back as Ryan shook and trembled. 

A million questions swirled inside his head, but he bit them back. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

=====.o0o.=====


End file.
